SPECIAL EDITION!

Alright here's the deal. I'm breaking my own rules a little bit. This blog isn't about cheese. But don't blame me, blame Ted's Grandpa, because he's the guy who sent us Landjager and Taramosalata and forced me to write a review about how delicious these two pearls are.

Landjager is semi-dried sausage from Germany. It's made with equal parts beef and pork and seasoned with sugar and red wine. Landjager means "country policeman" in German, which is appropriate because Landjager enforces its flavor into your taste buds.

Texture: A little grainy. My one gripe with the Landjager is how much it gets stuck in your teeth. It's supposed to be chewy but this batch is a little too granular for your boy. - A

Flavor: Unreal. A little bit spicy but still extremely hardy. You can taste the red wine and I'm feelin' it. - A

Overall Enjoyment: I feel like a man when I eat Landjager and I like it. - A

Josh Says: Landjager was first made for hunter's and soldiers because it needs no refrigeration. So next time you go backpacking, forget trail mix and beef jerkey and pack up some Jager. You'll be glad you did.

Taramosalata is a Greek meze (spread) made from cured salmon roe, bread crumbs, lemon juice, vinegar, and olive oil. Yeah, you read right. We're eating caviar dip up in this spot.

Texture: Very creamy but you can still feel the roe pop in your mouth and thats key. If you've never eaten roe before it's like gushers for food elitists and it's the best thing ever. - A+

Flavor: Savory and salty at the same time. At first the saltiness hits you square in the mouth and then it fades into a subtle, almost sweet taste. The flavor is also extremely strong. It does serious work on your taste buds. - A+

Overall Enjoyment: This is the Aged Gouda of non-cheese foods. - A+

Josh Says: Taramosalata is originally a Greek and Turkish dish, so while we're on this mediterranean tip, you should probably spread that Taramosalata on some fresh cucumber slices and hey, maybe even eat some black olives while you're at it.

And Then There Was Aged Gouda

Gouda is traditionally made by seperating the curd from the whey, then draining half the whey and replacing that half with water. This causes the cheese to develop a sweet taste. The longer the cheese sits the sweeter it gets, so the older the Gouda the better. And let me tell you, it tastes like this Gouda has been chillin' since moses wore short pants.

Body: Hard, yet ever so slightly pastry. Almost has a melt in your mouth quality but it's still something to chew on. Downright inspiring. - A+

Flavor: No nuttiness here. No funny business. Gouda is supposed to be sweet and nutty and that's just what this Gouda is. Well done Gouda. - A+

Overall Enjoyment: A+'s across the board for the Gouda. Not really much else to say. - A+

Josh Says: Gouda is traditionally served as a desert cheese. If you eat this Aged Gouda with some dark chocolate truffles you'll feel like a king guaranteed

Are You Even Kidding Me With This Appenzeller?

Welp, Ted's G-Pa has truly outdone himself this time. There are three types of Appenzeller: Classic which is aged three to four months, Surchoix which is aged four to six months, and Extra which is aged six months or longer. The Classic is silver label, the Surchoix is gold, and the Extra is black. So we open up the cheese and what do we see? Blam! Gold label in your face all day long. I mean yeah it wasn't Extra but come on, you gotta be expecting Classic and Poppa Alhanti hits you with the Surchoix. Whatta guy.

Body: Nice and firm, just the way I like it. You gotta eat this cheese all by itself. Putting a cracker up against it would just be an insult. - A+

Flavor: Very strong and definitely a little fruity and a little nutty. This is a full on flavor explosion. Face rocking flavor over here. - A

Overall Enjoyment: I mean it's strong. I loved it but I'm not sure I'd always be down to eat Appenzeller. You're comitting to have that flavor in your mouth for the better half of an hour. - A

Josh Says: Wash that Appenzeller down with some ice-cold apple cider or a tall glass of red sangria. It's just what the doctor ordered.

I Could Eat Brie All Day

The brie of the day here is President Brie, who go with the ballsy move of serving their brie in wedges, rather than wheels (how brie is traditionally packaged). The rind of their brie was also significantly tougher than the rind of the average brie, yet still completely edible and delicious. El Presidente is also a shade or two whiter than the average brie, which is always a tinge of gray at least. But despite these physical abnormalities this brie is just what you're looking for.

Body: Very pastry in body. down for the spreadin' but still good to eat all by itself. And yeah the rind was a little tough but I'm a fan. This hot bod is a ten. A

Flavor: Nicely bitter and at the same time just sweet enough. Great mouth feel. The flavor's a little shallow and fads quickly but I can't knock this brie. - A-

Overall Enjoyment: The President can count on my vote next election season. - A

Josh Says: If you have access to a deep frier, pop your wedge of brie right in there. I know that sounds pretty unrefined to be writing in such a high-class cheese blog, but it's actually considered a delicacy so do as the romans do, ya dig?

Havarti With Dill Takes No Prisoners

Holy Shit, the Havarti with dill is no joke. Part of what makes Havarti what it is is that rennet is a big part of the cheese-making process. Rennet is an enzyme that makes cheese curdle. And not only is this cheese curdled but it's washed, which means it was regularly washed in a brine solution to make it distinctly flavorful. And if that wasn't enough to let you know that this cheese means business, Havarti was pioneered in a world-renowned experimental cheese farm named Havarthigaard outside of Copenhagen. So yeah, get your ass ready for some chee-chee.

Body: Very Creamy. Definitely best eaten when spread on a cracker. I'm not hatin' but it can't stand on its own the same way a lot of other cheeses can. - B

Flavor: You can taste the Dill in a big way, but the dill is almost all you can taste. Havarti is usually very subtle in flavor, so adding dill into the mix was risky business and I gotta concede that it didn't really pay-off. - B

Overall Enjoyment: I was pretty critical of the Havarti up there, but I did enjoy this cheese on the whole. The one thing I have to say though is that this cheese is stanky. The minute you pull it out of the fridge the whole room reeks hard. Also the average shelf-life of Havarti is about three weeks and we've had it in our room for about a month sooo.... - B

Josh Says: Havarti is traditionally enjoyed with fruit, so here's what I'm saying

Havarti & Frozen Grapes

Y'all can thank me later.

The Jarlsberg Comin' in Hot!

Just cracked open the Jarlsberg and my-oh-my is it tasty! This specific block is a slight departure from the average Jarlsberg, as it is semi-soft. In many regards it is run-of-the-mill Jarlsberg: Wax-rind, large eyes (holes, for you laymen out there) but while Jarlsberg is normally very creamy in texture, This brick is a little tougher. But the toughness of the semi-soft is spot on; it lets the flavor permeate the mouth and also adds a layer of texture and complexity to the over all experience of eating the cheese.

Body: Like I said, tough but not super tough. It's challenging but you still know it's a Jarlsberg. - A-

Flavor:Just what you want from my man Sir Jarls; nice and buttery yet delicately sweet. Not quite as nutty as I expected but whatevs, I'm cool with it. - A

Overall Enjoyment: This cheese is fire, you should be jealous that I get to eat it right now. - A

Josh Says: Jarlsberg is great cheese to cook with. If you made mac and cheese with this Jarlsberg you'd probably have an orgasm.